"As President, the buck stops with me, pause for dramatic effect. Earlier, I read the wrong words in the teleprompter, don't say telecommuter or helicopter. I apologize for my latest teleprompter gaffe, end apology."
Republican and Democrat coaches take questions from the press.
Google's new image generation software Gemini is facing criticism after thousands of users noticed the AI refused to depict white males in any of its images. Users were relieved, however, when they were finally able to convince the AI to draw a white man by prompting it to generate a picture of Justice Clarence Thomas.
It was a year of reckoning, a year in which humanity finally began to understand that it faces an existential threat, a threat unlike any we have ever faced before, a threat that will wreak havoc on our fragile planet if we fail to stop it — and it may already be too late. We are referring, of course, to pickleball.
Lawmakers find culprits for the recent uptick in theft—the victims.
September 29, 2027: Kamala eliminated from “America’s Next Top Leader” Episode 1Late last year, the Commission on Presidential Debates (CPD)— the non-profit group that has governed televised debates among US Presidential candidates since 1987— announced groundbreaking changes to its traditional debate format.The Commission’s Executive Director stated back in December 2026 that it was time for presidential debates to “keep up with America’s rapidly evolving culture and values, and the way we engage in political discourse.”And that’s why, the CPD’s Executive Director said, “starting with the 2028 election cycle, the Commission will replace the traditional debate format with a new reality show called America’s Next Top Leader.”
Life in D.C. isn't all sunshine and Fudge Rounds.Parody of Oliver Anthony's "Rich Men North of Richmond" written and performed by Remy.
Federal Senior Living & Hospice: where your final years are active, dignified, and pretty much permanent.Nestled in the heart of the nation's capital, Federal Senior Living & Hospice offers every resident a fully independent lifestyle. With a staff of over 2 million spread across hundreds of agencies, you're free to abdicate your constitutional responsibilities to highly incentivized lobbyists, career bureaucrats, and college interns.Our members enjoy perks that your constituents can only dream of, including voting privileges, custom transportation, teleprompters, handrails, generous compensation packages, speechwriters, hordes of lobbyists, countless opportunities for graft and nepotism, and an annual taxpayer-funded allowance of more than $1 million.Take advantage of our luxurious on-site amenities, like restaurants, pools, gyms, members-only elevators, and substantially weakened insider trading restrictions.Or maybe you'd just like to relax and unwind in your personal furnished living area away from constituents, microphones, and the uncomfortable truth surrounding your voting record and declining cognitive abilities.There's no reason to worry about continuity of care, as we carefully gerrymander your district, guaranteeing you'll have a home here for perpetuity. We strive to give our residents the freedom to enact policies that will benefit their own generation for decades to come.Some of our residents may become disoriented, confused, forgetful, or even completely out of touch with the world. At Federal Senior Living & Hospice, we honestly don't give a damn. If you have a pulse, you have a vote. What better way to spend your twilight years than dictating regulation for highly technical, cutting-edge, billion-dollar industries that affect the lives of millions?